Resolutions, Part 1: The Me Monster

It's that time again. That time when everybody pulls out a pencil and paper and decides how they're going to remake their lives over the next 52 weeks. Considering how quickly people tend to bail on their resolutions, I'm amazed we keep doing it year after year. Maybe it's because it's so close to Christmas. Whoever decided to put New Years after Christmas was really smart, because nobody can feel all that badly about themselves when they're still tearing the price tags off their new stuff.

Resolutions themselves are kind of interesting though, don't you think? In truth, our New Years resolutions are actually more like New Life resolutions. They usually represent the changes we wish were present in our lives as ideally conceived by us. "I want to lose ten pounds"; "I want to go to the gym more often"; "I want to quit smoking." We want to cut out the bad stuff and substitute in the good stuff, thereby making us healthier, sexier, and more desirable overall. Almost every resolution made this year will be made with the intention of "building a better me."

I think I understand why we do this. I do it all the time: I'm trying to get you to like me. I want to be told that I am okay, that I am funny and good looking and intelligent, just like you do. So it makes sense to me. I'm just not convinced that these kinds of resolutions are the most helpful kind to make.

This year, I'm suggesting taking resolutions in a different direction. Rather than aim to simply be better versions of ourselves (i.e. thinner, smarter, wittier), what if we resolved to actually do something? Not that going to the gym isn't doing something, but in the end all that amounts to is checking off a box on your to-do list. Not exactly the mountaintop experience you're hoping for, is it? This is why resolutions are so often discarded within the month; nobody has any reason to stick with them. But what if we resolved to really make something happen, something that was bigger than just us? I'm talking about sponsoring a Compassion child, running in a charity race, going green for a year, volunteering at a local homeless shelter, maybe setting aside the money you normally spend at Starbucks and giving it away. See the difference in thinking? The first resolutions we looked at were all about "me." These resolutions still include "me," but without "we" they mean very little. The communal element helps to frame our actions within the larger narrative that's being created.

When we commit to something bigger than just ourselves, we align ourselves with an entire movement and increase the likelihood we'll stick to our goals. And in cases like the charity race example, we usually stand to benefit greatly from the results anyway. It just requires more effort and creativity on our part to think this way than it does to say "I want to lose weight." When it's bigger than just "me," everybody wins.