Thursday, November 3, 2011

3 Things I Learned From My Facebook Break

Last month, I decided to take a break from Facbook. My life was getting busier, and when I made the call to step away from some of the more superfluous things in my life, Facebook was one of the first things to go. What followed was the first time in years that I'd been away from the social networking giant. To say the least, it was an enlightening time for me. Here’s what I discovered during my month away.

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1) Facebook is completely addicting

The first two weeks were hard. Harder than I’d like to admit, really. It’s pretty embarrassing for me to say, because I hated acknowledging that I actually so much cared about a webpage. I would wonder whether anybody had written on my wall and thought I was a jerk for not getting back to them. I had no place to share funny links I’d found or pithy thoughts I had. I couldn’t relive my college years by looking at old photos or check out what friends who lived far away were up to. I’d like to be able to tell you I was fine without Facebook, but I wasn’t. I was itching for a fix like an addict who had just checked into rehab.

Perhaps most embarrassingly of all, the thing I found I missed most was…my own profile page. Facebook had become my vanity mirror: I looked into it to tell me I was smart, funny, and interesting. Without it, my insecurities immediately jumped to the surface. Am I liked? Do I have value? Somewhere along the line, I stopped owning a Facebook and Facebook started owning me. It’s no surprise, then, that moving away from it was proving so difficult.


I had given up a part of myself.



2) Facebook is entirely unnecessary

By about Week 3, though, I started to get the hang of life sans-Facebook. It was a process, for sure, but I found myself thinking about it less and less as the month went on. Incredibly, I found that life still had meaning! I even found that I was connecting with people more rather than less, because it’s become so easy to passively connect with friends over Facebook without ever really having to pursue them. I began to enjoy life without Facebook. And I imagine you’ve heard all this stuff before: Facebook is a black hole, Facebook is a time-waster, Facebook is narcissism at its highest level. But it wasn’t until I had put it down for a while that I started to see how much damage it was really doing to me.

It was at this point that I began to wonder, why risk getting pulled back into the quagmire of internet activity at all? If life without Facebook was going so well, why go back? I had originally planned on just giving it up for a few weeks, but now I wasn’t so sure I wanted to go back into internet slavery. I started to consider deleting my Facebook pretty seriously. I researched the internet articles that explain how to delete it (which, if you haven’t heard, is like trying to climb Mount Everest in your bathing suit), and after talking with a few friends about it, I made my decision...


I was jumping ship.



3) Facebook is a double-edged sword

Which brings us to today. As of this moment, my profile is still alive, albeit on life support. It’s not dead yet, but it’s getting there.

The reason I haven’t killed it yet is there’s a part of me that just doesn’t want to give it up. The argument for keeping it is incredibly compelling. I love pictures. I love that I can stay connected to 90% of the people I want to stay in touch with just by punching in a few keys on my keyboard. It’s the most convenient thing ever. These are just a few of the reasons why I’ve been reluctant to do the deed and put my profile out of its misery.

Seriously guys, I'm this dang close.
I’ve come to the realization that there’s nothing inherently wrong with Facebook; it’s how I choose to use it that has messed me up. The problem is with me, not Facebook. I’m the one who’s acted irresponsibly. I’m the one who hasn’t exercised wisdom or self-control. I'm the one who's used it for evil rather than for good. If I can't function with Facebook in my life, then I have to take it out.

I was recently reminded that when you identify an idol in your life, you have to deal with it radically. Jesus told his followers that "if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away." (Matthew 5:30) His reasoning was that it would be better for someone to live with only one hand than to keep the hand but invite evil into their life. And in my assessment, Facebook is doing me more harm than good. So it's got to go.


I'm really not that excited about living with one hand. But I think it will be for the best. Thanks for the memories, Facebook...I just think we should see other people.


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Update: my good friend Tanya recently decided to get rid of her Facebook. Check out her post on finally taking the plunge here.

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11 comments:

  1. [...] delete button quite yet, but he's picking up speed on that less-traveled road.  Read his thoughts, 3 Things I Learned From My Facebook Break, over at his blog, On The Road.] Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this [...]

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  2. I often de-activate my face book and take a break from it ... i am not addicted to it, and i find it highly amusing to watch so many stumble and copy each other ... not the christian thing to do i guess but sometimes observing allows us to to gather ourselves ... my sister always notices when i leave and return to face book but sadly i never see her in real life and she only picks the phone up to txt, and we only lived 5 minutes from each other ... i keep my face book to watch out for my children and am over seeing who is getting breakfast in bed and who is out doing this and that and tho other ... i don't like self glorification and if i had taken someone out or cooked them breaky in bed or dinner, i'd be offended with them face booking and stealing the moment ... a great subject and read :)

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  3. I may use big words but you use clever pictures, very OfficialReview meets Relevant Magazine. Brilliant.

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  4. I do agree that to most people it is a bit of a selfish ego booster, and I have my moments (being excited for the 100+ birthday wishes from people, some I barely know). I mainly have come to use it to keep in touch with my best friend in London (sometimes just to chat to tell her to get on skype) and my cousin in Idaho who loves to see pictures of the family she misses, it helps her to feel at home when she is far away. And my other friends and family who are far away. Actually I am closer to my cousins who grew up in other countries now because of chatting on facebook.
    I wish more people would look at their motives for using facebook and adjust to proper motives, this is however not an easy task. If it is because you want the attention then back off what you post and how often you check(again a hard thing to do), however if you are keeping in contact with people far away that you love...maybe it is not so horrible. I thank you for your honesty,and I leave you with this "devil's advocate" idea or question...why do you have a blog? what are your motives and intentions behind posting your writings and ideas? Just pondering that.

    ps. if it had not been for facebook I would not have seen the post in my news feed and read this. :)

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  5. Well said, Wendy! And therein lies the tension. Some people will only respond to Facebook interactions, so how do you stay in touch with them if you take that option away? Personally, I'm trying to be more creative in the ways I reach out to people. I'm learning that I can't afford to be held hostage by someone else's standard of communication. It's encouraging to hear that you've been able to do that...I'm hoping I'll be able to do the same in the near future.

    And I can certainly see the value of keeping an eye on your children who use Facebook. I imagine if I had children, I'd keep my Facebook around for the very same reason. Thanks for reading and commenting!

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  6. Steph, thanks for reading. Stories like yours are part of the reason why I've had such a hard time hitting the "delete forever" button. There are so many people I continue to remain connected with because of Facebook. And as a youth leader, you and I can both attest to the value of keeping up with your student's virtual lives. How do you do that without a Facebook? I wish I had better answers than I do, but the best I've been able to come up with is to first get myself sorted, THEN figure out how that affects my relationships.

    I think my reasons for having a blog are a bit different than my reasons for having a Facebook. That said, I do have to guard my heart in a similar way that I do with Facebook, or else what I write here will become my identity. Can't have that.

    And as for the point about the FB news feed bringing you here in the first place...I totally agree, and I'm actually working on a solution for that. Stay tuned.

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  7. I'd keep in line with Stephanie Hill in challenging your second point. I think, especially for someone who is in ministry, facebook is not completely unnecessary. I use facebook all the time in youth ministry and it gives me a large foot-in-the-door with some students that I wouldn't have through practically any other means. I can't walk into school and see what how they treat other people or whether their faith shines through outside of times with me. Facebook give me a unique opportunity to see whats up.

    I also agree with the keeping in touch thing. Example: Tuesday night, Melissa Flora was in a car accident. How did I find that out quickly so that I could start praying for her? Because Adam posted it on facebook to ask for prayers.

    Now don't think that I am saying "Dom stay on facebook if you really think its terrible for you" but more so "Dom, if you get off facebook, I think it will be harder to maintain a relationship with you being 2.5 hours away" Facebook makes it convenient to see what you're up to. Otherwise I will need to start training my flock of carrier pigeons once more...

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  8. Hey Dom!

    Long time no see! I like to use facebook more than I care to admit too! It's nice to be able to see what old friends are up to with a just a few clicks of the mouse. But when we see something becoming a type of idol in life we definitely need to deal drastically and prayerfully with it! We often think we're living for the Lord, but then we stop and think about it, if we're spending most of our free time on facebook, how much time can we really be giving to the Lord. I could use the time to evangelize or to encourage other believers or go help someone who is in need. I read your blog periodically when I see a fb post, but maybe I'll just have to check this page out once in awhile. Your blogs are always at least thought provoking! I hope you continue to strive after the Lord!

    Love in the Lord Jesus,
    Chelley

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  9. All good points, my man. If you read my reply to Stephanie I acknowledged the benefits of having a Facebook as a youth leader. It's not that Facebook has zero pluses whatsoever. In hindsight, I can see how my writing "Facebook is completely unnecessary" might have given that impression, though.

    I do think, however, that it's not as important as you're making it out to be. Is it convenient? Absolutely. Is it necessary? Probably not. It's just a really accessible way for you to keep tabs on people. That's not a slam on you or Facebook... that's how it's designed. I can understand your liking the convenience of Facebook and balking at the thought of giving that up, but I would be careful not to confuse convenience with necessity there.

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  10. I want to reiterate that this post is not a value statement about Facebook. If anything, it is an implication of my own inability to act like a responsible human being at exercising wisdom in the way I use Facebook. I'm not getting rid of my Facebook because it is evil. I'm getting rid of it because if I don't get rid of it, I'm going to be eaten alive. I imagine many who are reading this have no trouble at all with how much they use Facebook, just like I don't struggle with alcohol or watching too much TV. But when something begins to consume you the way I've often felt consumed by Facebook, I think it's important us not to euphemize and address the problem as ruthlessly as it has taken hold of us. As stated in the post above, when we identify an idol in our lives, it's imperative that we deal with it radically. Any other statements about the value of Facebook are probably best addressed elsewhere.

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  11. CHELLY! It's great to hear from you. Thanks so much for reading, I'm glad to hear you find these posts thought-provoking. And like you've said here, I'm hoping that getting rid of my Facebook will, along with getting rid of something that has become an idol for me, also free up my time to love others better. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, hope all is well with you!

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