The Top Five Least Attractive Female Qualities

As a single guy, I tend to meet a lot of single women nowadays. I guess once you get out of college, everybody starts pairing up, and when the pairs start hanging out with each other, the single people have nowhere else to turn to except each other. I don’t think this is wrong or bad, but it can definitely be awkward at times. Even if you're with a group of trusted friends, the questions inevitably flood in: does she like me? What's he thinking? Is she flirting with me? What if I'm wrong? If you're looking to up the anxiety level in your life, allow me to suggest being single. There's just nothing quite like the ambiguity of friendship to provide you with the occasional low-level panic attack. Makes you feel alive, you know?

Having been exposed to this dynamic so much over the last few years, I started thinking recently about what guys tend to find attractive and unattractive in the girls they meet. Eventually, these musings resulted in the Top Five Least Attractive Female Qualities, composed by yours truly. Before I jump into things, two quick primers: obviously ladies, there are some things you can’t control, like the genes you inherited and the body you’ve been given. As such, everything found on this list is behavioral in nature; that is, you could do otherwise if you wanted to. So while a woman’s physical features are certainly something guys consider, you won’t find it on this list. Secondly, since I don’t speak for all the men of the world, this list will be inevitably biased. However, I’ve done my best to speak from a perspective broader than my own experience. You can let me know how I did afterwards.

So without further ado, let's get to the list...

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Honorable mention: Center of Attention Girl

There’s one in every group. This can sometimes mean a girl who is the loudest or most outwardly needy, but it can also refer to a girl who just seems to be wholly consumed with her own life. You might be a 10, sweetheart, but at a certain point I just don't care how intuitive your cat is (see graph, helpfully illustrated by Demetri Martin). I find this sort of behavior is usually a cry for attention on the part of the girl, but actually ends up alienating guys who are overwhelmed by her antics. An underrated least-attractive female quality (that is, it matters more than you might think).

5. Gossip Girl

Everybody gossips, guys included. But some girls just never seem to stop talking about other people. We guys might not all be Einsteins, ladies, but we notice stuff like this. And if you’re willing to throw a close friend under the bus at a moment’s notice, you’ll probably do the same to me with even less hesitation. Not really a turnoff in the strictest sense of the word, but unattractive nonetheless. What comes out of your mouth reveals what's in your heart.

4. Forward Girl

Here's the thing, ladies: we see you. We're around you. We talk to you. If we want to ask you out, we're going to ask you out. If we're not asking you out, chances are (say it with me now) we're just not that into you. Forward Girl isn't buying it, though, and decides that it's time she took charge of the situation. Ladies, we hate when you do this. Let me be blunt: it's an emasculating and selfish move on your part. Please let us do our job.

3. Skanky Girl

She might seem fun at first, but nobody really takes the girl with her goods hanging out seriously. It just reeks of desperation, and guys can totally see it. This goes for internet exposition as well (ladies, what kind of pictures are you posting of yourself on Facebook?). Pride (the good kind) is a value men hold dearly, and at the end of the day we want to be proud of the women in our lives. Don’t mortgage your honor/integrity for attention. Stay classy, ladies, and everybody wins.

2. Potty-Mouth Girl

Girls who swear are like guys who wax their eyebrows. Something just seems out of whack. I’m not trying to say women should never, ever swear because “it’s not very ladylike,” but girls who swear all the time are generally a turnoff. It comes across vulgar and uneducated, which takes us back back to the pride thing from #3. No guy wants to associate himself with that. Bottom line: swearing might have been cool in middle school, but it gets old pretty quickly.

1. Smoker Girl

The clear-cut number one, no contest. You could be Natalie mother-lovin’ Portman, but if you’ve got a cigarette in your mouth, see ya later. On a scale of 1 to 100 (100 being Natalie Portman and 1 being the Jabba the Hutt lady), smoking probably drops you between 20-30 attractive points right off the bat. Seriously. Like the aforementioned swearing, it just doesn’t do anything for you, ladies. Sure, it worked for Marilyn Monroe, and it can work for you too once you become a timeless, international sex symbol who dated the Yankee Clipper himself. You get the idea. Ditch the Marlboros, ladies.

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So there you have it. What do you think? Fair assessment or way off-base? Share your thoughts below in the comments.